Addressing the Tragedy of Imperfection

If I know how to do it right, and do it wrong, I am doomed.

When I don’t do “it” right, whatever “it” might be, I suffer my own damnation.  It gets really old.  So it’s like a dance or a song or a poem in my head.  I haven’t written anything in months.  This oversight falls squarely on me as I am the keeper of this vessel.  I think of how motivated and determined I was for so long with a truly just purpose.  I suppose at some level it makes sense that the extra leisure (almost complete by my standard) has also given time for maddening self examination.  Every little thought, every missed opportunity to be the light.  

I used to take the last minutes of the day before I went to bed to replay the day and do the whole examination/destruction ritual.  I was busy, so I was too tired to indulge for more than 2 minutes in my own humanity and natural shortcomings..  

In those days I talked to any and everyone about being kind to one’s self.  I explained that perfection is unattainable and we will all fall short in some way.  It’s ok.  People make mistakes.  I was telling myself as much as I was telling others to be kinder to themselves. I was always coming up with flowery ideas and philosophies about spreading joy and seizing the day.  I always felt like I was falling short.  Still do.  

I have to keep telling my most dreadful client, myself, that all is not lost if things go undone another day.  All we need is progress.

I then add something my momma told me very specifically to help me let go of the past to make a better today.  “No situation is wasted by a mistake completely if you learn something from it and try not to make the same mistake again.”

So, I scribbled these words to capture it. I did so because I don’t feel so all alone in my suffering.  There are others who strive for correctness and completion.  The maddening self that says, “It’s not finished. NOR is it completely correct.”  I know there are others.  I see hope in a collective effort to achieve the highest levels of correctness and completion some day.  

The isolation must be challenged.

  

If you feel down, and I’m around,

I’ve got a smile for you.  

Just know that I might need that smile 

as much as you do too

.  

Happy Tuesday, friends.

Kev loves ya.