Control's Illusion
I am writing today refreshed from a morning meditation. I feel it necessary at this point to tell you 2 things.
1. I do not have peace and happiness in abundance a lot of the time. I am always grateful, but I don't always feel blessed. You are at a stage of seeking which carries it's own set of challenges, setbacks, as well as its triumphs. When I was young I wanted/needed to know "everything." I was taught by the noble and wise as a devotee of enlightenment and deliverance. To be enlightened, to me, was to know the how's and why's. I think that goal was to compensate for what I felt was my lack of control (deliverance). Both my environment and those who may influence me seemed potential threats. I thought, in everything, that if I understood its process and product, I would find peace through my own control. If I could manipulate the people and things around me I wouldn't have to worry.
Control is not power or strength. Control is evidence of fear. The true nature of existence, that IS the TRUE nature, is unknowable, invisible, and cannot be captured with the reasoning or descriptors of man. Looking out into the world and into the eyes of others, we don't seem to realize that our own face is and always will be something we have to accept by faith. We never actually see it. We know it's there, but all we have is a reflection. There are many types of reflections. The easiest to grasp is a mirror. It's not us, but it looks like what we think we look like. We see who we are and what we do in the responses and reactions of others to our presence, those with which we have contact. Our behavior evokes reactions we can see reflected in others. They are all reflections of what we call our "self." While we are looking for the means by which to understand and control our surroundings, we neglect that which we control almost completely. Ourselves. What we don't control consciously, nature is in control of. For the most part, nature usually has the (behind the scenes) biological growth and decay we call existence covered but unspoken. So we search on the outside to find definitions and explanations for our own peace of mind and perceived control.
2. Control is an illusion. Nature controls it all from the seemingly chaotic universal expansion to, most importantly, what you hold deep inside of you. There you will find your peace. There you will find your hope. There you will find your answers. Therein lies the truth. The only explanation. It's not on top of a mountain. It's not at the feet of a shrine, its not in a bottle, pill, or other such device of manipulation. Mountains, shrines, even drugs and alcohol, can be quite pleasurable and provide beautiful views. The key, the answer, the peace of mind is knowing that we don't have to search, climb, kneel, or bow. It's in us. We just have to let it be. Celebrate. Share our joy in the revelations. Teach the Way if the universe puts you in a place to deliver (our chosen "helping field" being an example). We all must realize the joy of our immediate task to share and find our purpose and fulfilment in the Art of Peace. That's the wind in our sails that carries us. Its not in our blistered hands and tired backs caught up in stubborn and tedious rowing.
